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Ok this page is for quotes and one liners you've heard from ANYWHERE! I'll add a shoutbox, so you guys can put in your own.
This page is going to take a long time to ever get anywhere, so check back regularly
Chris Rock:
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?”
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
“Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense”
“I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.”
“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystander .”
“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.”
“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'.”
“You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.”
“A man is only as faithful as his options”
“Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too.”
“If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.”
“A white boy that makes C's in College can make it to the White House”
“Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.”
“Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin' the singin. Paula Abdul?! Gettin' Paula Abdul to judge a singin' contest is like gettin' Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!”
“Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.”
“Aw, man, they gave 'em the Oscar on stage. Next they're gonna give the Oscars in the parking lot. It'll be like a drive-through Oscar lane. You get an Oscar and a McFlurry and keep on moving.”
“Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.”
“You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
“I'm in show business, ... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.”
Jim Carrey:
"Untill Ace Ventura, No actor had considered talking through his a$$."-Jim Carrey
"I'll go into a fetal position for a couple days."-Jim Carrey when asked what he would do if he fails in his dramatic role, The Truman Show
"I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be preforming."-Jim Carrey
"I just want to be killer funny. You know kick-a$$-pi$$-in-your-pants-run-out-of-the-theatre-and-rip-you-di(k-off-and-throw-yourself--into-traffic funny!"-Jim Carrey
"I'm not difficult at all, I don't think. I'm not difficult and frankly, I've had enough of this interview. See ya!"-Jim Carrey on Comedy Central
"I'm thinking of changing my name. I think Jim is just a little too accessible right now. I'm thinking of changing it to $, Cha-Ching, the sound of a cash register."-Jim Carrey
"Society is alot more twisted than I thought."-Jim Carrey trying to explain his popularity.
"The Criticism of 'The Cable Guy' really hurt, because it wasn't 'Jim Carrey's work is not good.' It was 'How dare he try to do something different?'"-Jim Carrey
"I try to do something the audience might not have seen before. Like if I'm gonna kiss a girl I wanna kiss a her like a girl has never been kissed. Like maybe I would kick her legs out from under her and catch her right before she hits the ground and then kiss her."-Jim Carrey trying to describe his acting style on Oprah.
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